Wilber's Q & A
GOOD EVENING, THIS IS CHRIS SHELLITO AND I'M SPEAKING
WITH WILBER WINKLE, WHO HAS A NEW BOOK OUT "WILBER WINKLE
HAS A COMPLAINT? (Displays Book) GREAT TO HAVE YOU WITH US
WILBER,
Thanks for having me. Great to be here.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET STARTED ON THIS ONE-MAN
LETTER WRITING CRUSADE?
Well, Chris. It all came down to stress management. I've
always had a very difficult time coping with the stress in
my life. I tried several stress relieving mechanisms, but
nothing seemed to work. I was like a walking time bomb for
years, not knowing how to properly vent. And one day, I just
blew-up.
AND WHAT WAS IT THAT FINALLY MADE YOU BLOW-UP
This (picks up 5th Avenue candy bar). This is what made me
blow up.
A 5th AVENUE CANDY BAR?????
Yes, one day, I guess about four years ago, I was in a supermarket
and I purchased the bar. I had this strange sense that something
was wrong, but really couldn't put my finger on it until I
got home. It was then that I made the startling discovery
that the bar was completely flat.
IT WAS FLAT? NOW, IS THIS A BAD THING?
You're darn right it's a bad thing. You see,
years ago the bar contained two almond halves that protruded
from the smooth chocolate surface. And I thought the combination
of the almonds, mixed with the chocolate and peanut butter,
was simply fantastic. I truly believed that the 5th Avenue
was the best bar on the market. And when discovering the bar
was flat, it didn't take a rocket scientist to determine that
the almonds had been removed. I'm sure you can imagine the
frustration I was experiencing at seeing one of life's simple
pleasures destroyed in this fashion.
SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Chris, I completely lost it. I raced back to
the supermarket, confronted the store manager, and harsh words
were exchanged. The police were eventually called and I was
carried off the premises. I realized, on that very night,
I desperately needed a new outlet for the stress in my life.
AND DID YOU FIND A SOLUTION?
Not immediately. I first thought that a picketing
campaign against the candy mavens might help to bring back
the almond, while at the same time allow me to vent. So I
packed my belongings and headed for Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Carrying protest signs and pacing in front of their headquarters,
I believed that I could rally the public to stand behind me
and correct this terrible injustice. Unfortunately, Hershey
practically owns the town, and the residents didn't seem to
have the courage to rise up against their regime. I was run
out of town a few days after I arrived, and told in no uncertain
terms not to come back. I returned home a broken man. Not
knowing where else to turn, I consulted my mailman.
YOUR MAILMAN????
Yes, and after several deep, wrenching, philosophical
discussions with him, I concluded that letter writing might
be the answer. I wrote my first letter to 5th Avenue, which
I have right here (picks up letter). Please allow me to read
just a few sentences. "I demand an explanation. To simply
discontinue the almond and not inform the public is a crime."
And sure enough, several weeks later, I got this response
(picks up letter). And Chris, this whole process made me feel
absolutely terrific. I've been going strong for over 4 years
now, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm just getting started.
There is a lot of work to still to be done.
WHO ELSE DID YOU WRITE TO IN THE BOOK
Basically, anyone who I feel is bringing undue
stress into my life is fair game.
Take this package (picks up small pack of cupcakes) of Tastycake
Butterscotch Krimpets.
LOTS OF FOOD IN THIS BOOK, HUH?
Yes. Now look what happens when I open the pack
(Wilber opens the cupcakes). Chris, look at this! The icing
has stuck to the wrapper! How in the world can I eat cupcakes
in this fashion.
YES, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A REAL MESS ON YOUR
HANDS.
Exactly. Chris, we have sent men to the moon,
yet we can't make a pack of cupcakes in which the icing doesn't
stick to the wrapper? This is absolutely ridiculous and I
want it to stop! So I wrote to Tastycake, and as we speak,
I'm confident that new technologies are being tested to get
rid of this problem.
Another thing,....ha, don't get me started Chris, I can go
on all night. This coffee mug on your desk brings something
else to mind. Chris, have you ever eaten at Denny's.
SURE.
I think Denny's is great. And that Grand Slam
Breakfast they have.......a slice of heaven as far as I'm
concerned. There's only one problem with Denny's. You see,
I work very hard at achieving the perfect sugar-cream balance
in every cup of coffee I drink. I put precisely one and 3/5
packs of sugar, and 3/4 of a plastic creamer.
SOUNDS VERY SCIENTIFIC.
Yes, it is scientific, but necessary if you want
that perfect cup of Java. Now, whenever I'm conversing with
others in my party, or perhaps my back is turned momentarily
for whatever reason, these waitresses run around with their
coffee pots filling up mugs like there's no tomorrow, even
when I have plenty of coffee still in my mug. Don't they realize
what they are doing to my balance? This practice has got to
stop! .
WILBER, DO THE WORDS "CHILL OUT" MEAN
ANYTHING TO YOU?
No, no, I'm not going to chill out, because I
think this is very important. I wrote to Denny's, and sure
enough, during my past seven visits, the waitresses have come
nowhere near my cup of coffee until I'm good and ready for
some more. So I really think I'm making quite an impact here.
SO BASICALLY, ANYTHING THAT GET UNDER YOUR SKIN,
YOU WRITE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT?
Exactly. Take, for instance, this morning. I
was in Waffle House...have you ever eaten there, Chris?
YES, VERY GOOD FOOD.
And I just love it when all the cooks wave when you come in
and say "good morning". That really makes my day.
But anyway, I was in there this morning and it looked like
it was going to be the start of a wonderful day. That is,
until I picked up this menu (Wilber picks up Waffle House
menu).
Chris, look what is says on the bottom here (shows Chris
the menu)
OH, YES....I THINK I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH
THIS.
I'll read it for you. It says, "Bite into
it, a cold glass of Minutemaid Orange Juice" Chris, tell
me one thing? How in the world do you BITE into a glass of
orange juice? This is ridiculous. You would think that someone
would have the presence of mind when putting this menu together
to stop and say "Wait a minute......you can't BITE into
a glass of orange juice!"
WELL, I REALLY DON'T THINK THEY MEANT IT LITERALLY....
Sure they did. Why else would they have something like that
on the menu. Now, I'm one to try anything once.......
YOU DIDN'T?
Yes, and made a complete mess of myself. I wrote
to Waffle House a few hours later, and I'm confident that
the next time you step in there, you won't see a menu with
"BITE into a glass of orange juice" on it."
This is absolutely ridiculous and I'm going to do whatever
I can do put a stop to it.
SO IS IT JUST CORPORATIONS THAT GET THE WRATH
OF WILBER WINKLE
Chris, anyone is fair game. Now, anyone that
knows me will tell you that I'm not one to name-drop. But
I have corresponded with the likes of Alex Trebec, as well
as several U.S. Congressmen, many whom have personally asked
me out to lunch. I suppose that when they see a letter from
Wilber Winkle on their desks, they realize that I am a force
to be reckoned with. Even the President himself personally
wrote to me about issues I have raised.
WILBER, ON THE COVER OF YOUR BOOK, THERE'S A VERY
INTERESTING QUESTION. IT ASKS, CONSUMER ADVOCATE OR NUT WITH
TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS? WHICH IS IT?
I say, let the American People decide. In a sense,
I'm on trial here. I firmly believe in my heart that I'm going
to connect with an awful lot of people out there. You won't
see the issues I raise discussed on 60 Minutes. You're not
going to read about them in TIME
magazine. Yet these are issues people care about. So, I say
let the people decide if these issues are worthy of gaining
a public forum.
WHAT KIND OF RESULTS HAVE YOU ACHIEVED TO DATE
Blue M&M's.......
THAT WAS YOU?
Yes. I was so bored with the colors. I mean,
you have the greens, the browns, the yellows. I just got a
little tired of the same old colors after eating them for
so many years. I wrote and suggested adding blue to the prestigious
color assortment, and just 7 months later, Presto, we have
Blue M&M's. I'm very proud of the fact that I was able
to make such an impact and make a difference in the lives
of millions.
YOU'VE WRITTEN FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS IN RELATIVE
OBSCURITY, WHY GO PUBLIC NOW?
I want to accomplish more. I not only have helped
myself in coping with stress, now its only natural to want
to give something back to the people. Many others are suffering
with stress like I am, and I want to be a positive influence
and demonstrate the difference this letter writing campaign
has made in my life.
Also, I'm not one to rest on my laurels. Sure, I've accomplished
quite a bit, but I'm just beginning. And to bring about the
changes I want to see, I've come to the realization that I
can't do it alone. I am a man of the people, but I need the
people. I'm confident that with thousands, or perhaps even
millions of others fighting with me, we're going to see great
things happen. Strength in numbers is my philosophy.
IN READING THE BOOK, IT APPEARS YOU GO A BIT OVERBOARD
IN SOME OF THE LETTERS. FOR INSTANCE, WHY IN THE WORLD WERE
YOU TRYING TO PURCHASE AN 8,000 POUND BOWLING BALL AND FRANKLY,
WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT.
First of all, I'm not proud of that, OK. Yes,
I did try to purchase an 8,000 pound bowling ball. At the
time, I was having a very difficult time with my girlfriends
mother. I just didn't know if I was going to be able to handle
another one of her endless nagging barrages. So, as I always
do when stress is getting the best of me, I turned to letter
writing. I wrote to Brunswick and made a down payment on the
ball. And let me tell you, just envisioning myself rolling
this tremendous bowling ball at my nemeses and seeing them
scatter brought me a great sense of inner peace. Would I ever
actually do something like this? Of course not. But, I must
admit, it sure made me feel pretty good thinking about it.
DID YOU EVER END UP PURCHASING THE BALL?
No, but the people at Brunswick were terrific.
They returned my down payment, as apparently their facilities
were not big enough to produce the ball. They suggested that
I use the money and take my girlfriends mother out to lunch.
And you know something, it worked. We are now getting along
marvelously, and I owe it all to Brunswick for taking the
time and leading me in the proper direction. They didn't have
to do that for me, Chris. But they did, and I'm eternally
grateful.
IN ANOTHER LETTER, YOU ACTUALLY WROTE TO CHRYSLER
AND ATTEMPTED TO GET A JOB AS A HUMAN CRASH TEST DUMMY? WHY?
That was a very difficult time in my life, very
early in my letter writing campaign. They were dark times,
Chris, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like the
person staring back at me. So perhaps I was trying to inflict
punishment on myself, because the idea of crashing a car into
a brick wall at 50 m.p.h. was very appealing to me.
Also, I've always been a very strong proponent of automobile
safety. After crashing those cars into brick walls, I figured
I would be performing a valuable public service by telling
the doctors first-hand what parts of my body hurt.
AND DID YOU GET THE JOB?
No, Chrysler thanked me for my letter, but they
decided to keep using the dummies.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE. THE BOOK IS WILBER WINKLE
HAS A COMPLAINT. GO OUT AND BUY IT.
And Chris, I guarantee, anyone that buys my book
won't have anything to complain about. And since I've had
such a great time talking with you today, I'd like to autograph
a copy of my book for you (Wilber retrieves a huge, ball point
pen). This pen is a symbol of my movement. There is definitely
power in the pen (signs book).
And also, anyone that contacts me will receive this handsome
"Wilber Winkle Has A Complaint" button. In fact,
let me go ahead and pin this button right here on your......(Wilber
reaches over and attempts to grab Chris' jacket?
WELL, UH....PERHAPS I'LL WEAR IT LATER. (Grabs
button from Wilber)
It's really easy to pin, you see you just stick it right..............
YES, FINE. I PROMISE TO WEAR IT LATER.
Great.
THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING HERE, WILBER
Thank you. It's been a real pleasure talking with you. |