Wilber's Q & A

GOOD EVENING, THIS IS CHRIS SHELLITO AND I'M SPEAKING WITH WILBER WINKLE, WHO HAS A NEW BOOK OUT "WILBER WINKLE HAS A COMPLAINT? (Displays Book) GREAT TO HAVE YOU WITH US WILBER,

Thanks for having me. Great to be here.

HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET STARTED ON THIS ONE-MAN LETTER WRITING CRUSADE?

Well, Chris. It all came down to stress management. I've always had a very difficult time coping with the stress in my life. I tried several stress relieving mechanisms, but nothing seemed to work. I was like a walking time bomb for years, not knowing how to properly vent. And one day, I just blew-up.

AND WHAT WAS IT THAT FINALLY MADE YOU BLOW-UP

This (picks up 5th Avenue candy bar). This is what made me blow up.

A 5th AVENUE CANDY BAR?????

Yes, one day, I guess about four years ago, I was in a supermarket and I purchased the bar. I had this strange sense that something was wrong, but really couldn't put my finger on it until I got home. It was then that I made the startling discovery that the bar was completely flat.

IT WAS FLAT? NOW, IS THIS A BAD THING?
You're darn right it's a bad thing. You see, years ago the bar contained two almond halves that protruded from the smooth chocolate surface. And I thought the combination of the almonds, mixed with the chocolate and peanut butter, was simply fantastic. I truly believed that the 5th Avenue was the best bar on the market. And when discovering the bar was flat, it didn't take a rocket scientist to determine that the almonds had been removed. I'm sure you can imagine the frustration I was experiencing at seeing one of life's simple pleasures destroyed in this fashion.

SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Chris, I completely lost it. I raced back to the supermarket, confronted the store manager, and harsh words were exchanged. The police were eventually called and I was carried off the premises. I realized, on that very night, I desperately needed a new outlet for the stress in my life.

AND DID YOU FIND A SOLUTION?
Not immediately. I first thought that a picketing campaign against the candy mavens might help to bring back the almond, while at the same time allow me to vent. So I packed my belongings and headed for Hershey, Pennsylvania. Carrying protest signs and pacing in front of their headquarters, I believed that I could rally the public to stand behind me and correct this terrible injustice. Unfortunately, Hershey practically owns the town, and the residents didn't seem to have the courage to rise up against their regime. I was run out of town a few days after I arrived, and told in no uncertain terms not to come back. I returned home a broken man. Not knowing where else to turn, I consulted my mailman.

YOUR MAILMAN????
Yes, and after several deep, wrenching, philosophical discussions with him, I concluded that letter writing might be the answer. I wrote my first letter to 5th Avenue, which I have right here (picks up letter). Please allow me to read just a few sentences. "I demand an explanation. To simply discontinue the almond and not inform the public is a crime." And sure enough, several weeks later, I got this response (picks up letter). And Chris, this whole process made me feel absolutely terrific. I've been going strong for over 4 years now, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm just getting started. There is a lot of work to still to be done.

WHO ELSE DID YOU WRITE TO IN THE BOOK
Basically, anyone who I feel is bringing undue stress into my life is fair game.

Take this package (picks up small pack of cupcakes) of Tastycake Butterscotch Krimpets.

LOTS OF FOOD IN THIS BOOK, HUH?
Yes. Now look what happens when I open the pack (Wilber opens the cupcakes). Chris, look at this! The icing has stuck to the wrapper! How in the world can I eat cupcakes in this fashion.

YES, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A REAL MESS ON YOUR HANDS.
Exactly. Chris, we have sent men to the moon, yet we can't make a pack of cupcakes in which the icing doesn't stick to the wrapper? This is absolutely ridiculous and I want it to stop! So I wrote to Tastycake, and as we speak, I'm confident that new technologies are being tested to get rid of this problem.

Another thing,....ha, don't get me started Chris, I can go on all night. This coffee mug on your desk brings something else to mind. Chris, have you ever eaten at Denny's.

SURE.
I think Denny's is great. And that Grand Slam Breakfast they have.......a slice of heaven as far as I'm concerned. There's only one problem with Denny's. You see, I work very hard at achieving the perfect sugar-cream balance in every cup of coffee I drink. I put precisely one and 3/5 packs of sugar, and 3/4 of a plastic creamer.

SOUNDS VERY SCIENTIFIC.
Yes, it is scientific, but necessary if you want that perfect cup of Java. Now, whenever I'm conversing with others in my party, or perhaps my back is turned momentarily for whatever reason, these waitresses run around with their coffee pots filling up mugs like there's no tomorrow, even when I have plenty of coffee still in my mug. Don't they realize what they are doing to my balance? This practice has got to stop! .

WILBER, DO THE WORDS "CHILL OUT" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
No, no, I'm not going to chill out, because I think this is very important. I wrote to Denny's, and sure enough, during my past seven visits, the waitresses have come nowhere near my cup of coffee until I'm good and ready for some more. So I really think I'm making quite an impact here.

SO BASICALLY, ANYTHING THAT GET UNDER YOUR SKIN, YOU WRITE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT?
Exactly. Take, for instance, this morning. I was in Waffle House...have you ever eaten there, Chris?

YES, VERY GOOD FOOD.
And I just love it when all the cooks wave when you come in and say "good morning". That really makes my day. But anyway, I was in there this morning and it looked like it was going to be the start of a wonderful day. That is, until I picked up this menu (Wilber picks up Waffle House menu).

Chris, look what is says on the bottom here (shows Chris the menu)

OH, YES....I THINK I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS.
I'll read it for you. It says, "Bite into it, a cold glass of Minutemaid Orange Juice" Chris, tell me one thing? How in the world do you BITE into a glass of orange juice? This is ridiculous. You would think that someone would have the presence of mind when putting this menu together to stop and say "Wait a minute......you can't BITE into a glass of orange juice!"

WELL, I REALLY DON'T THINK THEY MEANT IT LITERALLY....
Sure they did. Why else would they have something like that on the menu. Now, I'm one to try anything once.......

YOU DIDN'T?
Yes, and made a complete mess of myself. I wrote to Waffle House a few hours later, and I'm confident that the next time you step in there, you won't see a menu with "BITE into a glass of orange juice" on it." This is absolutely ridiculous and I'm going to do whatever I can do put a stop to it.

SO IS IT JUST CORPORATIONS THAT GET THE WRATH OF WILBER WINKLE
Chris, anyone is fair game. Now, anyone that knows me will tell you that I'm not one to name-drop. But I have corresponded with the likes of Alex Trebec, as well as several U.S. Congressmen, many whom have personally asked me out to lunch. I suppose that when they see a letter from Wilber Winkle on their desks, they realize that I am a force to be reckoned with. Even the President himself personally wrote to me about issues I have raised.

WILBER, ON THE COVER OF YOUR BOOK, THERE'S A VERY INTERESTING QUESTION. IT ASKS, CONSUMER ADVOCATE OR NUT WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS? WHICH IS IT?
I say, let the American People decide. In a sense, I'm on trial here. I firmly believe in my heart that I'm going to connect with an awful lot of people out there. You won't see the issues I raise discussed on 60 Minutes. You're not going to read about them in TIME

magazine. Yet these are issues people care about. So, I say let the people decide if these issues are worthy of gaining a public forum.

WHAT KIND OF RESULTS HAVE YOU ACHIEVED TO DATE
Blue M&M's.......

THAT WAS YOU?
Yes. I was so bored with the colors. I mean, you have the greens, the browns, the yellows. I just got a little tired of the same old colors after eating them for so many years. I wrote and suggested adding blue to the prestigious color assortment, and just 7 months later, Presto, we have Blue M&M's. I'm very proud of the fact that I was able to make such an impact and make a difference in the lives of millions.

YOU'VE WRITTEN FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS IN RELATIVE OBSCURITY, WHY GO PUBLIC NOW?
I want to accomplish more. I not only have helped myself in coping with stress, now its only natural to want to give something back to the people. Many others are suffering with stress like I am, and I want to be a positive influence and demonstrate the difference this letter writing campaign has made in my life.

Also, I'm not one to rest on my laurels. Sure, I've accomplished quite a bit, but I'm just beginning. And to bring about the changes I want to see, I've come to the realization that I can't do it alone. I am a man of the people, but I need the people. I'm confident that with thousands, or perhaps even millions of others fighting with me, we're going to see great things happen. Strength in numbers is my philosophy.

IN READING THE BOOK, IT APPEARS YOU GO A BIT OVERBOARD IN SOME OF THE LETTERS. FOR INSTANCE, WHY IN THE WORLD WERE YOU TRYING TO PURCHASE AN 8,000 POUND BOWLING BALL AND FRANKLY, WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT.
First of all, I'm not proud of that, OK. Yes, I did try to purchase an 8,000 pound bowling ball. At the time, I was having a very difficult time with my girlfriends mother. I just didn't know if I was going to be able to handle another one of her endless nagging barrages. So, as I always do when stress is getting the best of me, I turned to letter writing. I wrote to Brunswick and made a down payment on the ball. And let me tell you, just envisioning myself rolling this tremendous bowling ball at my nemeses and seeing them scatter brought me a great sense of inner peace. Would I ever actually do something like this? Of course not. But, I must admit, it sure made me feel pretty good thinking about it.

DID YOU EVER END UP PURCHASING THE BALL?
No, but the people at Brunswick were terrific. They returned my down payment, as apparently their facilities were not big enough to produce the ball. They suggested that I use the money and take my girlfriends mother out to lunch. And you know something, it worked. We are now getting along marvelously, and I owe it all to Brunswick for taking the time and leading me in the proper direction. They didn't have to do that for me, Chris. But they did, and I'm eternally grateful.

IN ANOTHER LETTER, YOU ACTUALLY WROTE TO CHRYSLER AND ATTEMPTED TO GET A JOB AS A HUMAN CRASH TEST DUMMY? WHY?
That was a very difficult time in my life, very early in my letter writing campaign. They were dark times, Chris, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like the person staring back at me. So perhaps I was trying to inflict punishment on myself, because the idea of crashing a car into a brick wall at 50 m.p.h. was very appealing to me.

Also, I've always been a very strong proponent of automobile safety. After crashing those cars into brick walls, I figured I would be performing a valuable public service by telling the doctors first-hand what parts of my body hurt.

AND DID YOU GET THE JOB?
No, Chrysler thanked me for my letter, but they decided to keep using the dummies.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE. THE BOOK IS WILBER WINKLE HAS A COMPLAINT. GO OUT AND BUY IT.
And Chris, I guarantee, anyone that buys my book won't have anything to complain about. And since I've had such a great time talking with you today, I'd like to autograph a copy of my book for you (Wilber retrieves a huge, ball point pen). This pen is a symbol of my movement. There is definitely power in the pen (signs book).

And also, anyone that contacts me will receive this handsome "Wilber Winkle Has A Complaint" button. In fact, let me go ahead and pin this button right here on your......(Wilber reaches over and attempts to grab Chris' jacket?

WELL, UH....PERHAPS I'LL WEAR IT LATER. (Grabs button from Wilber)

It's really easy to pin, you see you just stick it right..............

YES, FINE. I PROMISE TO WEAR IT LATER.

Great.

THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING HERE, WILBER

Thank you. It's been a real pleasure talking with you.